he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
