last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Small penises have feelings too.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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