planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
