I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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