Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
