That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
