No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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