my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
