i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
