Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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