dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize