How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
