i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
