you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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