Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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