Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
