So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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