I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize