I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
