I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
