everyone is single if you try hard enough
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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