Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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