Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
