also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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