Someone shit on the floor
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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