i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
