im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
