it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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