This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
