Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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