Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
