Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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