You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
