i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
operation harelip BJ is a go
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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