I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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