I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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