I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
