You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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