the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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