Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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