I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
