Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
