I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
