While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
