Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
