in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
