I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
