I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
