Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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