So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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