sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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