I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
