dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
