i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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