but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm too high and old for this...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
