Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
