I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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