He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
