Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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