I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
